i am devastated again :((

I have 3 different weblogs ; 2to in my own language and one in english
I have several daily notes
I can write in my mobile phone 's note and my computer 's note file ( word)
but still I fell alone ... :(

I dont know this terrible mood is because of my next menstruation or not but what ever it is ,
is terrible!
i feel sad,
i fear my future. if i stay alone
if i can not mu soul mate
if ...
if....



i am jelous of sh!
i am jelous of monire
i am jelous of sadegh


i am jelous of that girl who is or even will sit on mra 's knees! :((

i sorry for my loneliness
i wish i was more happy, jouful,festive

i wish i could go to united state
i wish i could find my half missing
i wish i coulsd calm down my silence
i wish i could be more intrested in lesson, study, lecture

i wish i was not human being
i wash i were a butterfly
i wish i were a lady bird
to sit on a child 's finger and make her interested to myself !
something that i cant do about the rest