still it's cold in my room and colder in my heart , while i am looking at my friend's new couple hood 's pics


she is 21 , just 2 years younger than me but she has wearing her wedding ring on her ring finger since 8 months ago ...
that 's a shame on me !
lonely with no specific programme for future :((


as i come to my own room, as I run the song in order to calm my self down :( , it seems to be rediculous to me m cuz I have no dream to go on with :(

nothing related to medicane course, nothhing to mechanical " , nothing to USA " .

nothing to nothing :(((

just listening to celin dion's 1998 albume" let's talk about love "
specially " let's talk about love " track :(

feel pitty for my self that I can't even cry with
it's not enjoyable to surf on Facebook anymore:(
when you write something on your wall and people kid your or at least mis understand you :( what would be attractive to make you connected to there anymore?

every one has a suitor and I? ....


:(((

there is an iranian poem by Attar:

Attar has travelled all cities of love (figurative)
whereas we are just stopping in the first alley ( of love's city)

Hey helal !

you must get this fact that falling in love with a boy who has never seen you any time , just via some msgs through the net is not a logical love !

you should belive that in this way the only one who will be hurt is you yourself !

be sure that he is enjoying his life in the best way with nice situation he's got in boston ( of course this situation has been gained by his endless efforts = as you know thoroughly!)

may be he has got his own dear beloved and maybe he is going to hold his wedding party in some months.

so ! please please please ! try not to follow silly dreams which may never can come true!

i am devastated again :((

I have 3 different weblogs ; 2to in my own language and one in english
I have several daily notes
I can write in my mobile phone 's note and my computer 's note file ( word)
but still I fell alone ... :(

I dont know this terrible mood is because of my next menstruation or not but what ever it is ,
is terrible!
i feel sad,
i fear my future. if i stay alone
if i can not mu soul mate
if ...
if....



i am jelous of sh!
i am jelous of monire
i am jelous of sadegh


i am jelous of that girl who is or even will sit on mra 's knees! :((

i sorry for my loneliness
i wish i was more happy, jouful,festive

i wish i could go to united state
i wish i could find my half missing
i wish i coulsd calm down my silence
i wish i could be more intrested in lesson, study, lecture

i wish i was not human being
i wash i were a butterfly
i wish i were a lady bird
to sit on a child 's finger and make her interested to myself !
something that i cant do about the rest

a long patiance

how much can you keep your efforts?

He realy deserves that :)

:( a moonshine night

tonight is the same as so many other days

Hehe!

this sorrow and sadness is not going to de finished:(

and i dont know how to handle the confronting future!

I cant calm my jelousy down!
I cant listen to advice !
I cant accept what I am !
and i cant deny how silly i am
I cant deny this fact how many complexes i have !

done

I hate every type of mentrual syndrome


........... pre mentrual syndrome

........... after mentrual syndrome

........... among mentrual syndrome

........... through mentrual syndrome

............ inside mentrual syndrome


I think we ,women are under a terrible abuse becuse of this monthly bleeding

yakHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH......

His thought is precious to me

I guess it is the first time that I have fallen in love with a boy 's [?]

Actually with a boy’s mind and thought
Not with the style, and face

God ! I trust you !

I am sure u will give all your sevants’s affort the best :)

:(

I hate that man (!)

ram

I am writing for him ; ram
Regardless I am making mistake r not
Regardless how silly I am or not
Regardless he is going out with her amercian/Persian girlfriend or not
Regardless he is preparing his marriage party in boston or not

Since I saw him ; I fell in love with him
And that’s it
Blah blah
As far as I went forward reading his blog
This sense became stronger inside me


I cant look at his 7th years old and stop complementing him
My baby


You were making mistake …4 years ago when you were writing that statement (june 17 2006)
You certainly didn’t know 5 years later a girl will have faint after reading that pure emotion

Yeah
This is the power of imagination J blah blah blah

I love your santour playing man J

sense of touching dense hair

how hs presence is witnessed in my life !

i need his attention
his vioce
his supports
his smiles
his impressment
his hand among my hair
his allophone
his black black black (blue blach) eyes
his dense hair

i cant
i cant wait my wishes come true
when are they going to become true? :(
:(((

these sad days ....

When last night at the end of the ceremony, the clergy said : pray this year isnt be the last Ramadan in our life, I really had dout to reply ammin or not

my darkest days of life

I think it's so far for me to have a man who loves me!


it's so far to have a man who says to me, helal! i love you


it's so far for me to have a man to tell him , hey , guyyyyyy, i love you


" to take gift from him

' that cuddle me!


oh my god


will it ever happen to me?

i see it sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo far!

unfortunately


no boy
no man

my heart is really broken :(

my Emergencies!

The things which i really really need! :


1- a computer chair (a perfect ont high tech one!)

2-a computer desk "

3-a cell phone( prefereably NOKIA but sonyerricson is possible too!)

4-a laptop ( it must be sony (wiao) or Dell)

5-a photo camre (it must be canon)

6- and a diamond necklace !!!!

I should change

how can I change my all self?


how can i transform to a new girl without any of my previous disgusting propertis , talents :D and abilities


i waana get a new personality

big anticipation ♥

when are you going to come to my world and change my sadness to happiness?


Hannnnnn?



when will you put and end to my anticipation? when?
i am getting exhausted :(


My these days song

a continuous process for me and a pleasant change for them

Oh my god!
This is the first ramazan that he goes out with his new bride to all the eftaris they have been invited.



And still I have to break my fast lonely! …like last year and last year of last year and so on!

when?...

i wish i go on hoyemoon with my kind husband to Dubai
and sit in a car which has driver
put my hand in his hand
listen to the music and just tour the city
tour Dubai
non stop for several hours

then when it is 11 pm
tell my driver to get us to the hotel
directly gi to the restaurant and ret my delicous dinner infront of my love's face!
when is it going to become possible?

waiting for permission

I want to go camping with them!
but the problem is that mad dad doesnt permit


I want to make a new experience but he doesnt ,i dont know what to do

How and How....

I am definetely eager to know


how he caresses her
how he kisses her
how he hugs her
how he sings for her
how he loves her
how he looks up to her
how he calls her
how he shows all his emotion which he collected for his wife to her
how he goes out with her
.


.
.
.
.



How?

contrast

he he

when some seconds ago I read my last post's title and compared it with some posts before with a similar title which were all about my dreams , I found my poilcy in this blog is not what i have planned

if you consider my blog's name ,then compare it to the titles , you will get the trichy item


ha ha! how far the " the route to catch the AIMS '' and "my dreams..." are apart?

I am not safe in my previous blog any more
I have dout A reads it or not
and there are some silent visitors withought any comment but their presence teases me
so i have to change my career
may be that's the only way i can solve my problem


oh
shitttttttttt
when i have to think and write simultanously in english , i forget what i wanted to say

and mow i have forgotten what i planned to write
ah

15th of shaaban

This is the city where I live in,

and tomorrow is one of the boggest and most important religous celebration which is for MAHDI's birthday

our last Imam(leader) who we are waiting for him to come and keep our world in peace and happiness


Tonight is my most favorite night during the year
this sense was associated with me from childhood since I have seen a lot of girls and boys who were helping their parent to drink people juice infront of their house

and how much I was pleased to be one of them.
a dream that never happended to me

.....
to gather in our yard
prepare lots of plastic glasses
filled by juice and give them with cookie to people


....wowww
how much I am eager to hold my wedding party in this night
Is that possible?
I ask MAHDI to do sth make my wishes come true!

we are in love with you MAHDI

This is the city where I live in,

and tomorrow is one of the boggest and most important religous celebration which is for MAHDI's birthday

our last Imam(leader) who we are waiting for him to come and keep our world in peace and happiness


Tonight is my most favorite night during the year
this sense was associated with me from childhood since I have seen a lot of girls and boys who were helping their parent to drink people juice infront of their house

and how much I was pleased to be one of them.
a dream that never happended to me

.....
to gather in our yard
prepare lots of plastic glasses
filled by juice and give them with cookie to people


....wowww
how much I am eager to hold my wedding party in this night
Is that possible?
I ask MAHDI to do sth make my wishes come true!

My dream is to...

when this dream comes true to me to hear from a native english man/woman this:


How much you are fluent !

I enjoy listening to you when you are speaking english


Is that far to reach?

love in the morning

what can make more pleasure than saying your prayer punctually in the early morning (your first serious of praying) and break your habbit of postponing saying prayers?

that chilly weather caresses my soul , that's what I really need
and the other things I need in that period of time is.....

2 minutes ago ...

I deleted all his pics in his folder at my computer

I deleted his 2 weblog's feed in my gooder
and at the moment I am trying to inject this fact to my mind:

a unilateral love will never work for anyone, a unilateral love is just useful to throw it to dustbin.

a unilateral love is just for forgetting

and I forget it!
I do forget it ! cause i have experienced such as another unilateral love

I started to repeat and repeat : love should be mutual !

love should be mutual
love should be mutual
love should be mutual


otherwise you will be loser

thank GOd

la la laa laa laa la la
ha ha ha
she is going to leave here by 24 hours!

I am sure i will not miss her!

counting the seconds to...

When the suitable time comes to me to whisper this unforgetable sentence to my honorable man :

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I LOVE YOU with all my cells

the most bitter smile in the world

I should write in Farsi
But I cant
Actually I should write in Farsi in my Farsi weblog
But I cant
I cant write a bout my passion toward A there because he may read my weblog and that will not be good

Today I went to my university to visit my friends and some staffs of university
E and M had a lot of news about some of the students
I was sure they had information about him but I didn’t want to ask them myself because I guessed they were suspicious about my feeling toward him

Just I started to talk about some of the students who has got married recently like Saba and those who have got good marks at entrance exam

I didn’t expect to hear any news from him by them but suddenly Mrs M said:
Did you know Mr T !
Yes, I knew , some time ago he used to teach us symmetry ; I replied

Yeah
He has got married to one of her classmate here


Mrs m said she was surprised of their marriage .she claimed she was excited when she understood T has got a religious family after lending him book for 6 years! ( she was wrong, for 7 years)

Once S came to us while she was wearing a red mantu( emphasizing on red colour) and said: I have engaged recently about one years ago
But she didn’t tell us any thing about his husband

Some days later he came and announced he has got married to S
We were all shocked about his marriage to a chadori girl that was for about one month ago, she said,



I was just smiling
That smile was one of the most bitter smile in my life


I don’t know why it became so hard to me again

How it looks terrible infront of my stupid relatives when I give one of my cousine a peresent in oreder to say he is just my favourite cousine[ and nothing more]

wired caracters!

she hasnt reached our house completely but she has started teasing us!
how much some of the people can be unwanted,pity and poor!

I actually feel pity for them :(

i have come again :)

yeah , babe. ainally I did it! first aftes a century I could make a new gmail account and make a new weblog here!
ha ha ha! how successful I am!
every body knows it!
sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

This is a good start!

cant wait to come back soon